Do you feel as though you are swimming against the tide, at times? Or maybe...all the time? And perhaps, also wondering why there's so much resistance and struggle, despite allowing yourself to be guided by your highest ideals? Not easy, right? I too spent most of my life in the riptides. Raised in a blended family with a wild hearted humanitarian impulse, I charted my course with a strong sense of the principles I wanted my personal and professional life to reflect, as my north star. And yet....despite my steadfast convictions, the degrees, the hard earned years of experience doing this or that - those moments of feeling a deep sense of satisfaction, connection and impact in my work and life were rare diamonds in the rough. Even the immense joy I felt from the family I co-created could not save me from the pull of the undertow. 

I doubled-down, swimming harder against the current. I believed if I wanted to make an impact and find my success, it was a matter of putting in extra time and effort. Committed to the vision I had for my life, I also started to attack my woes from other angles. I began a long relationship with talk therapy and experimented with antidepressants. I hired a career coach and at least 3 resume writers along way. Despite my best efforts to  troubleshoot and make things happen for myself, I couldn't shake feeling underutilized and overlooked - yet ironically, entirely overworked.  Burnout and disillusionment festered, my marriage became increasingly troubled, and my mental and physical health continued to worsen. C-PTSD and other diagnoses started rolling in. Ultimately, dissolution of my marriage, a major health crisis, financial turmoil and navigating an emerging world of co-parenting simultaneously became part of my unfolding experience. I believed my fate had been sealed. For the sake of my son, I just needed to survive the unrelenting waves of pain, difficulty and despair characterizing my life. And so - this was what I focused on. Just keeping afloat.

I'll be honest. At times, even this felt like too much to bear, and my moment to moment existence would feel nothing short of agonizing, as waves of heartache would continue to wash over me. Other times, I found unexpected moments of calm within the turmoil of my inner landscape - not because the waters relented, but out of a sense of sheer exhaustion and acceptance of where I was and what was happening to me. You know those moments when, you can authentically and dispassionately say, it is, what it is, and let something be? It was like that - and paradoxically, precisely in those spacious moments of grief and despair where I started to reconnect to any sense of hope and courage. There was no singular moment of deeply felt clarity which turned my life around - if that's how you're anticipating this story ends. In fact, I've come so far in this journey yet find myself only at the beginning, ironically, in terms of understanding how to harness my inner vision, potential and heart to realize the change I want for myself and others.  But what I've learned is - the road to hell really can be paved with good intentions, and we owe it to ourselves, first and foremost, as well as to our children, our families, and our personal and professional communities to understand them more deeply. Where do they come from, and what are they really about? I believe more deeply than ever that everyone is inherently designed to positively impact and contribute to our world in breathtakingly unique and specific ways, and my passion now is collaborating with others to awaken, explore and deepen into their immense potential in career and life. Personal fulfillment, more loving and resilient partnerships and families, and a more just and equitable world is within reach - but the changes we seek, start with us.